Yes, I read Quantum Physics. But only for the particles.
— JerryThomas

You all said I was crazy to save all these soy sauce packets. How’s your post-apocalyptic squirrel? Oh, what’s that? NEEDS A LITTLE SALT?
— dysolution

My daughter asked me how long it would take to walk around the moon. Totally absurd. Absurd that I grew out of awesome question-asking.
— luckyshirt

Arkham’s Razor: A theory which suggests that the simplest explanation tends to lead to Cthulhu.
— wilw

Restored my iPhone and forgot to back up my Birdhouse. It was as if a million stupid Alderaan jokes suddenly cried out and were silenced.
— Moltz

We used to measure temperature using topless witches. Stupid scientists ruin everything.
— dysolution

It seems like carotene has been in beta forever. Release a stable version, carrots!
— davegorum

Love is like Oxygen. It’s fairly soluble in water. Drown bitch!
— MODAT

If you give a man a fish, and he makes lemonade, you have found a weirdo.
— JerryThomas