How to Survive an Alien Invasion

We all know they’re coming. What do we do when they get here?

Step 4: Killing an Alien
Just so everyone’s clear, your pissy ‘human’ weapons will have no effect whatsoever on an honest-to-goodness alien. You’re only likely to get them all riled and angsty, which means double the probing for you. So don’t go shooting any guns. You’re not SPACE MARINE Duane Hicks, and you never will be. There’s always a simple way to kill an alien; you just need to figure out what it is. Saltwater, maybe? Some sort of inert gas? Coughs and sneezes, perhaps? Whatever it is, you can pretty much guarantee it’s indigenous to Earth and it exists in abundance.

I’d really like to see a series of these, covering the basic safety techniques we all use in our day-to-day lives: Killer Asteroids, Great Old Ones, Reanimated Dinosaurs. I don’t want my child to grow up not knowing the fundamentals of deactivating killer androids, I can tell you that.