I won’t be impressed with science until I can download a waffle.
— ixSEANxi

I bet when scientists throw office parties, there’s always the one guy who gets drunk and carbon dates his own butt.
— BoobsRadley

If “dress for the job you want” were true, there would be a lot more people wearing capes.
— sucittaM

If I ever get abducted by aliens the first thing I’m going to do is shout “NOT AGAIN!” just to make them think someone in admin fucked up.
— MarylandMudflap

You don’t see many pocket protectors nowadays, which explains why so many pockets get murdered.
— donni

Can’t believe it took you guys TEN YEARS to find one incredibly well known aging bearded guy hiding in the desert.
— DeathStarPR