It’s looking very likely that, come 2015, we will still need roads. #docbrownlied
— SethMacFarlane

Actors dressed as characters from Planet Of The Apes should be the only ones to greet the Chilean miners when they’re freed.
— GerryDuggan

A horse walks into a pub. “Why the long face?” asks the barman. The horse, unable to understand language, eats a beer mat.
— ncguk

Remember, doctors of today are the ‘what the fuck were they thinking?’ butchers of tomorrow.
— thesulk

Hopefully my entire life is just someone else’s fantasy on the Star Trek holodeck.
— donni

Help me, Obi-Wan Kenobi. You’re my only hoop. Wait. Did I say “hoop”? Crap. How do I delete this? My hair is heavy. Is this still recording?
— sween