Me: “What do you want to be when you grow up?” Three-year-old: “Han Solo.” Parenting accomplished.
— derekasaurus

Instead of downloading WebMD for the iPad, I taped a piece of paper to the screen and scrawled “IT’S CANCER” on it.
— phyllisstein

Went back in time to destroy Star Wars episodes 7-9. Now there are three “prequels” instead. Can’t wait to check them out.
— badbanana

My daughter got a ‘raise your own butterflies’ kits for her birthday and now I’m trying to figure out how to warn Indonesia of the tsunami.
— iamnotdiddy

Twilight’s like soccer. They run around for 2 hours, nobody scores, and its billion fans insist you just don’t understand.
— bretterlich