50 Ways to Kill an Ensign
\n(to the tune of 50 Ways to Leave Your Lover)<\/p>\n
The problem is something ’bout your clothes, she said to me
\nThe red shirt and the stripeless sleeves yell, “I’m Security!”
\nAnd when you get down planet-side with Kirk, you’ll get to see
\nThere must be fifty ways to kill an ensign
\nHe takes a landing party down to find what’s going on
\nA couple of the bridge crew, and some extras come along
\nAnd then before you know it – the ‘expendable’ are gone
\nThere must be fifty ways to kill an ensign
\nFifty ways to kill an ensign<\/p>\n
Just step on a rock, Jock
\nGet thorns from some plants, Lance
\nA Horta can spray, Ray
\nJust listen to me
\nClouds drink up your blood, Bud
\nComputers can kill, Bill
\nYou could lose all your salt, Walt
\nKirk gets away free\u2026<\/p>\n
She said it grieves me so to see you with such nerves
\nNot ev’ryone who goes with Kirk will suffer from this curse
\nBut then of course, you must recall – they sometimes suffer worse
\nThere must be fifty ways to kill an ensign
\nJust tell him, “I’m not stupid and I’m not expendable
\nI’m not going!” Tell him that he’s a Denebian slime devil
\nAnd he’s overbearing, swaggering, and dictatorial
\nHe’ll find a new way to kill an ensign
\nFifty-one ways to kill an ensign<\/p>\n