Waitress asked if I liked my grilled wookie baby. I told her it was a little Chewie. Thanks, I’ll be here on Hoth all week. Tip your droids.
— luckyshirt

No sir, I was NOT born yesterday. What kind of giant scary-ass newborns are you accustomed to seeing?
— goldengateblond

Beyond the Mountains of Madness lies that which even the Elder Things fear. My guess is an enterprise-level content management system.
— sween

I bet the creator of the artificial heart is pretty pissed that we still use “sliced bread” as our basis for great inventions.
— behindyourback

If we end up in a Civil War with our Robot Overlords, I’m taking out that evil red-eyed automated towel dispenser in the bathroom first.
— FlyoverJoel

Helium walks into a bar. Bartender says “We don’t take kindly to Noble Gasses here.” Helium doesn’t react.
— NASA_Hubble

At a rally to delete some e-books.
— badbanana

My Scientology porn name is L. Ron Jeremy.
— mikey_m00n

E.T. telling Drew Barrymore to ‘be good’ didn’t really sink in right away.
— thesulk