Science Fiction Brewed Fresh Daily

Cliché/Fact

One of our more popular recurrent topics is science fiction clichés. During one of our chats, member ECharles delivered himself of a few lines that cried out to be preserved for posterity.

Cliché: That aliens can communicate to us through math or music
Fact: Aliens will communicate with us with wry greeting cards.

Cliché: Scientist toils alone in garage to perfect FTL Spacecraft.
Fact: Scientist toils alone in garage to perfect edible white-out

Cliché: Arriving aliens repressing Intergalactic Federation of Peaceful Worlds.
Fact: Aliens represent InterGalactic Publishers Clearing House Prize Patrol.

Cliché: Alien telepaths invade our minds to turn us against each other.
Fact: Alien telepaths invade our minds to get our ATM PIN numbers.

Cliché: Alien spacecraft operate under as-yet undiscovered physical laws.
Fact: Alien spacecraft are manipulated using barely visible nylon fishing line.

Cliché: Crop circles are an indication that aliens have arrived on Earth.
Fact: Crop circles are the work of alien juvenile delinquents who are “tagging” Earth.

Cliché: Teleportation will allow us to quickly and easily travel anywhere on the planet.
Fact: Teleportation will allow us to quickly and easily extract ourselves from tight-fitting clothing.

Cliché: First contact occurs when the SETI project picks up an alien response to TV signals broadcast in the early 1950’s.
Fact: First contact occurs when CBS begins receiving letters from aliens upset over the cancellation of “Leave it to Beaver.”

Cliché: Confronted by an overwhelming alien invasion, humanity prevails through a combination of guts, luck and a knack for finding flaws in seemingly impervious alien defenses.
Fact: Confronted by an overwhelming alien invasion, humanity lasts about as long as spit in a skillet.

Cliché: Human cloning results in a basic change in morality, as individuals are no longer unique.
Fact: Human cloning results in a basic change in grammar, as individuals begin to speak exclusively in the third-person.

Cliché: Invading aliens unerringly identify and destroy the White House, the Kremlin, the Eiffel Tower and Big Ben.
Fact: Invading aliens unerringly identify and destroy the Corn Palace in Mitchell, North Dakota, Chernobyl, the Pompidou Center and every Waffle House restaurant in North America.

Cliché: Upon hearing the music of Bach and Mozart, aliens begin to treat humans as equals.
Fact: Upon viewing the Jerry Springer Show, aliens immediately withdraw from Earth and erect huge warning signs just outside the orbit of Pluto.

Cliché: Advanced technology will allow artists to express their creativity in ways that we can barely comprehend.
Fact: Advanced technology will allow episodes of Gilligan’s Island to be refreshed by replacing the original cast with computerized simulacra of the cast of Friends.

Cliché: Using a bit of genetic material found in the stomach of a mosquito that was trapped in amber, scientists bring dinosaurs back from extinction.
Fact: Using a bit of genetic material found in the stomach of a mosquito that was trapped in amber, scientists bring prehistoric mosquitoes back from extinction.

Cliché: “Soylent Green is people!”
Fact: Soylent Green is people (42%), kelp (15%), plankton (6%), water, food acid (325), salt, soya protein isolate, modified tapioca starch, potato starch, spices, mineral salts (450, 451) glucose, sodium nitrite (250), antioxidant (316), spice extracts, FD&C Green No. 3.

Posted in Humor February 12th, 2009 by Chip
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