The Cafe

FUN: CAPTION THIS!: GALLERY: 2003 We supply the picture, you supply the caption!

You can play too! Caption This!

01/2003 02/2003
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In the pantheon of space badguys, there's Darth Vader, then Ming the Merciless, and somewhere at the bottom, Zarth Arn. (StompTokyo)

Dracula's embarrassingly stupid cousin, Viscount Zadoff (Darkomik77)

Zarkoff's latest audition for SPACEBALLS II: In Search of More Money! (Darkomik77)

Arkansas' very own superhero, Deliverance Man. (Chip)

When Oompa-Loompas go bad. (Chip)

"Look Ma, no clothes!" (ecats)

OOOOOOOOOklahooma!!!! (Star)

EXPOSEEeeee (Ara)

Oh my dahlgren! Oh my dahlgren! Oh my dahlgren! Oh my daaahlgrenning clemantoine!!!! (Darkomik77)

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"Hercules removes 20% more plaque than any other orbital nuclear toothbrush!" (StompTokyo)

For only $29.99 plus S&H you get this combination trumpet, Bread Hook, hair curler, home oral surgery instrument, and 1000 other uses device. (Star)

With these sets, you can actually fight gingivitis, tooth decay, & other gum diseases with one swift stroke! (Darkomik77)

The patented MicroFine pulse rotating steamvents make the StylTron X-14 the most technologically advanced curling iron on the market. (figgy)

Colin Powell's toilet brush. (Chip)

Fred made a mental note: Next time he booked cut-rate passage to Mars, he'd make sure that his "personal containment pod" would be *inside* the ship. (Chip)

The New Interplanetary Meat Tenderizer! (ecats)

Fed-Ex delivery for the mutant giant Amazons. (Surly Squid)

This is the reason why we can't have fireworks in the Restaurant at the End of the Universe! (Darkomik77)

03/2003 04/2003
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For the last time, Anakin, R2D2 is not a mini-fridge! (StompTokyo)

"...and that's the story of how we came to be enslaved by the Lucasbots." (figgy)

My Three Sons! Starring R2 D2! (Darkomik77)

Anakin, I don't believe you -- and I don't need to use the force to know that R2D2 cannot be responsible for that odor. (ECharles)

I see your problem R2. You seem to have this kid stuck in your input/output slot. Next time just use a memory chip. (BLRWIZ)

“Obi Wan and Anakin, the force cannot shield a Jedi from death. Inevitably, we will all die. That is why, as an agent for Mutual of Coruscant, I suggest that you consider our special single premium life insurance policy. Anakin, for you I would particularly recommend the option to increase the amount payable under the dismembership clause…” (ECharles)

“Anakin, since I’ve never met this “James Earl Jones” person, I hardly think that I would be interested in hearing your impression of him.” (ECharles)

"Oh yeah, I've met David Prowse. I wasn't impressed with him!" (Darkomik77)

OK, one of us three gets to be the biggest, most theatrical bad-ass in the known universe. Remember, scissors cut paper, paper covers rock, and rock breaks scissors. (Shadow)

... and then the robot viciously tore the small child apart while the two Jedi sat nearby and laughed... (Mal)

k, Anakin. first the daddy bee goes from flower, no wait, the stork brings a bundle to the cabbage, well, not that, er um the mommy and the daddy love each other and the daddy gives the mommy..... there is this egg and. Obi Wan, take it from there (Star)

Honest, it's not my baby.......... (BLRWIZ)

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Avon calling! (Chip)

SecDef Rumsfeld and Pentagon officials denied rumors that Nether Realm National Guard units were being activated. (figgy)

I'm *not* gonna pay a lot for this muffler! (figgy)

Come on guys, we gotta look tough. I promise not to eat beans again for lunch. (Star)

Look at these costumes! Do you really think we're going to settle for those chintzy little packets of candy corn? (ECharles)

The delivery guys from Peking Moon made $137,000 in tips last month. (Chip)

The IRS Audit Team prepares for April 15. (Chip)

Which bachelors have the best answers & whom would you like to go out with? Bachelor number one? Bachelor number two? Or...Bachelor number three? (Darkomik77)

05/2003 06/2003
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Christmas at Gorgo's house. (StompTokyo)

A dental practice that specializes in serving the needs of giant reptiles requires specialized equipment and involves a distinct element of risk. For the dedicated professional, these minor hurdles are more than overcome by the sight of a smile restored. (ECharles)

Getting a manicure *does not* make a root canal hurt any less! (Gandalara)

The supersized lattice fries turned out to be a little too large for most people to handle. (Star)

I hate celebrity book signings. (figgy)

One of Godzilla's least-known but most terrifying powers was the ability to fire fully-formed steel gantries from his nose. (Shadow)

Ptooey! Mustard on the debris! (Ara)

Gorgo's belching contest in progress. (Darkomik77)

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Sure, my dad brought me back to life, but look what he did to my hair! (StompTokyo)

Like my new contacts? (Gandalara)

Severe Acute Luminocular Syndrome (SALS) (ECharles)

A Martian artist formerly known as Prince. (Darkomik77)

Lazer eye surgery is PERFECTLY safe! (plmckissic)

We guarantee...The Ocular Glow or your money back (Ara)

I told you not to stare at the eclipse! (Star)

"Wait 'till Super Man gets a load of me !!!" (Schmuck)

You send me one more spam, punk, & I'll give you the STARE. (Darkomik77)

o/~ Turn around - - - Bright Eyes...o/~ (With apologies to Bonnie Tyler) (Shadow)

07/2003 08/2003
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This is the last time we celebrate my birthday at Burger King! (StompTokyo)

The Miss America Ugly Pageant brought to you by Godzooky's Rite Aid! (Darkomik77)

Do YOU want to be...QUEEN...FOR...A...DAY? (Jack Bailey)

This is the result of watching the movie, 28 Days Later. (Darkomik77)

The look on King Kong's face when AOL announced adding Speech Code to TOS. (Darkomik77)

One of the problems with inbreeding in the royal family. (Chip)

When the time comes to surrender her crown, it is not unusual for the reigning Miss America to manifest a bittersweet mixture of relief and animalistic bloodrage. (ECharles)

Thursday was karaoke night at the Studio Lounge, and Faye ducked her head in embarrassment when a slightly tipsy Kong clambered onstage and launched into a slurred rendition of -- o/~ I'm 'Ennery the ape I am, 'Ennery the ape I am-I am...o/~ (Shadow)

Spending two years touring in the Folger Theater's production of King Lear was Kong's way of silencing those critics who had tagged him "one dimensional." (Shadow)

o/~ I feel pretty, oh so pretty...Miss America should just resign o/~ (Star)

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All this, just to play Pong. (Chip)

Bill Gates as he exists in Parallel Universe D985-Q/7, where integrated circuit chips are never developed and bow ties remain popular. (ECharles)

Antonius Domino introduces the first computerized pizza machine. (Gandalara)

"Who spilled Ju-Ju-Bees in my control console???" (Schmuck)

Colossus' first dating service, searching for a perfect pair after his soulmate from Russia died from a virus. (Darkomik77)

Unsurprisingly, sales of the world's first portable calculator were decidedly sluggish. (Chip)

The RIAA is going to sue this guy's ass. (LongLiveRock)

Welcome to your Tax Audit. (BLRWIZ)

Politically Correct by Bill O'Reilly sponsored by NORAD. (Darkomik77)

With ratings on the decline, the network staked its reality programming future on: "Survivor 6 -- Basement of the Science Building." (Shadow)

Welcome to the next episode of The Bachelor, starring Hal 9000! (Darkomik77)

09/2003 10/2003
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"I mean it, Blessed. If you pinch my butt one more time...!" (StompTokyo)

Beans, beans ... the musical fruit ... (Gandalara)

We're on a campaign trail for the California recall vote dressing up like this? (Darkomik77)

Then he says, "trade her in for 2 twenty year olds", get it!? ha ha 2 twenty year olds!!! (Star)

Lauren Tewes and Isaac the Bartender share an awkward moment during rehearsals for the off-off-off-Broadway production of "Love Boat: The Wrath of Khan" (figgy)

Bill Clinton's walking around with beard & wings, just to snare me? Ha! What a laugh. I'll bet Linda Tripp's not far behind! (Darkomik77)

So that's why he is called Flash!!!!!! (BLRWIZ)

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Sunday morning at Robert Downey Jr.'s house. (StompTokyo)

Never invite Aliens to a lingerie party... (Araius)

A photograph Hilary Clinton does not want you to see. (Darkomik77)

I don't know what happened! All I said was "honey, you relax and I'll clean up" and she fell over. (Star)

Why waste money on a Serta, Sealy or Simmons? (Gandalara)

"I'll have two of what she's having, please." (figgy)

That's the last time I do jello shooters at a convention. (BLRWIZ)

11/2003 12/2003
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It's true... the French will eat anything! (StompTokyo)

Prince Charles never enjoys his annual photo op with the local high school's biology class. (Chip)

Now remember, when you get out there, smile and wave. And after the tap dance you tell the judges that your greatest wish is for world peace. (Star)

We knew the computer was buggy, but this is ridiculous. (Karen)

IRON CHEF: Tonight's ingredient - green BEM from space! (araius)

The merry pranksters of Miskatonic U. caught on security camera outside the girls' dorm. (f-f-f-figgy)

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The first, abortive attempt to form 4 Non Blondes. (StompTokyo)

"And the next Miss Universe is...." (Ara)

Stills from the other "other" Paris Hilton video. (f-f-f-figgy)

Few know that, in addition to her stint at Disney, Brittney Spears was also a 'member' of GWAR. (f-f-f-figgy)

It's evident that both of you stole my Lubriderm! (Karen)

"Do I hear four bear hides...?" (SpaceCowboy)

Prehistoric fashion show & an auction where we're right now showing white buckskins. The starting price is 2 rubies & 10 grey beach pebbles. Five rubies... do we have five rubies? Twenty two emeralds... do we have 22 emeralds?.... (Darkomik77)

The cheerleading squad for that exciting new NFL expansion team - the Toledo Tyrannosaurs... (ECharles)

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